Looking Back

For some reason a certain day in my not so distant past kept popping into my head today. It was the day I found out I was pregnant. Maybe it's because that was almost two years ago and I can not believe how quickly time flies. Especially when I look at Ella and realize how much she has already grown and changed in what seems like hardly any time at all.

Back to that day, which now I know was one of the best days of my life, but let me tell you it sure didn't feel that way at the time. A word to the wise if you're not expecting that little stick to tell you "you're pregnant", do not take that test alone. I will repeat, not trying to be pregnant and taking the test, use the buddy system. What happened to me was I fully expected that test to be negative and my "monthly visitor" would come the following day. It was my husband who said I should take the test. I didn't think it was necessary. I couldn't be pregnant, but I was. (Although in hindsight I should have realized of course I could be because we weren't taking precautions to prevent getting pregnant.) I didn't take it well. It was 6:00 in the morning and my husband had already started his work day and I could not call him. I was hysterical, not just crying and a little shock. I was bawling my eyes out, my hands were shaking and I couldn't stop pacing. All I really wanted was a cigarette but darn it I cant smoke now, there is a little person in there, what if that one cigarette damaged my fetus???

I called my sister, cried and said a few incoherent sentences. Fortunately she gave me the test the night before so she knew why I was crying. She said she would come over after she dropped her kids off at daycare but she couldn't bring them until 6:30. While I waited for her, I called in to my job stating I had an emergency. Then I sat at the top of the stairs in my bathrobe, crying, waiting for my sister. I even called her at 6:30 to make sure she was at daycare to drop them off and get to my house. After she got there and calmed me down a little I decided I needed to talk to Nick.

I was afraid to tell him, I thought he would be upset. Which truthfully was part of the reason I was so crazed. I had just gotten back to work from a two month medical leave and now I was pregnant??? I couldn't wait until he was on his break though, I called his work to leave a message to have Nick call me. The receptionist asked if it was an emergency and my response was "Kinda". He called me within a minute or two. With my sister holding my hand, I hysterically sobbing told him "I-I... t-took the... t-test... a-and it was... p-p-positive". All he said was "It was? OK".  Then I told him I was sorry (yeah like it was only my fault) but he said it was fine. My only question was "Your not mad?" "No" he said "not at all, why would I be?". Boy did I put that cart before the horse. All that worrying over nothing. He didn't even know why I was so upset.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about it though. Did I want a baby? Well to late now smart one, because you are having one. Now having the wonderful big sister that I do, she had the fabulous idea to get out all her old pregnancy books she gave me after my nephew was born. She found a few pages with pictures showing me that the baby looked like the Planter's Peanut. As only my sister can she had me calmed down and actually a little excited. She informed me that she did need to actually go to work at some point and that if I felt better she should go. I reluctantly said I'd be fine.

Nick and I went to the doctor later that day, and confirmed that I was indeed, pregnant. While I wasn't so sure that day it was what I wanted, now I know it was truly one of the best days of my life. I mean, hey, I quit smoking that day! Oh, and I also became a mom.